Sarah’s Story

Six years ago, I experienced postpartum psychosis after the birth of my fourth child. I had been through postpartum depression in the past, but never anything this serious.

I started not feeling right during pregnancy, but my concerns were dismissed. As a postpartum nurse, that was especially difficult. It began with not being able to sleep for days. As time went on, I became increasingly anxious and fearful. Because I was breastfeeding, I initially tried natural remedies and was worried about taking medication. I was eventually prescribed medication, and soon afterward I began experiencing psychosis.

I became convinced someone was going to hurt me and feared constantly for my children's safety. I checked the locks on my doors all day long and researched family members and other people because I felt I was being lied to.

My first inpatient hospitalization is something I will never forget. I was there for about five days before being sent home, even though I was still out of touch with reality. Over the following months, I was prescribed several different medications with constant dosage changes. I was in and out of inpatient care, often staying only a couple of days before being sent home while I was still very unwell.

I truly believed there were cameras in my house and became very withdrawn. The frightening thoughts and beliefs were constant. PTSD symptoms related to past experiences also became unmanageable, along with frequent panic attacks.

Although I was very sick, I still cared for my children and even worked at times. From the outside, many people did not realize the extent of what I was experiencing. I am typically a quiet, calm, caring person who spends my time caring for others, but I was not caring for myself at all. I became overwhelmed easily, and the thoughts I was having were so difficult for me to understand, let alone explain to my husband and family.

I also struggled with numerous medication side effects. There were times when I asked to be admitted for inpatient treatment but was told I was not sick enough. I am so thankful that, in the end, nothing worse happened. I was suicidal, and I truly feel that I was dismissed. Being in the medical field, it was heartbreaking not to receive the care I needed.

There was so much embarrassment, shame, guilt, and pressure that I put on myself to just power through. My thoughts would shift from day to day. Some days I felt like I was getting better, only to decline again.

To this day, I still live with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and trauma. I want people to understand that postpartum psychosis is not always obvious. It can develop gradually and then become severe very quickly. For me, some of the warning signs began during pregnancy.

This experience was incredibly isolating. Thankfully, as I recovered, I was able to connect with other survivors. Now, I am committed to raising awareness and helping others so they don't have to feel alone or dismissed. I no longer believe silence is an option. I hope sharing my story will help improve care for others and make a difference.

This experience didn't just affect me, it affected my entire family, and I believe they deserve support too.